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How to Get the Spanking You Really Want by Kayla Lords

Things we hated as children: being spanked and taking naps. Things we love as adults: being spanked and taking naps. 'How to Get the Spanking You Really Want' is our latest guest blog post by one of our favourite sex bloggers and fellow kink lover, Kayla Lords.



Let me guess, your partner smacked your butt during sex and it felt really good. So good you immediately wanted more. But you don’t know how to get another spanking. You feel a little weird just asking for it, and what if your partner doesn’t spank you as good as that first time?


It’s a hard cold truth that the best way to get exactly what you want is to ask for it. But if you’re not even quite sure what you want - beyond a “Please spank my butt!” here’s a little help.



What Kind of Spanking?


Bare hand on bare ass might be the first thing you think of when you picture a spanking, but that’s not the only option. Oh no, there’s an entire kink called impact play which centers around the idea that one of you enjoys hitting your partner and the other enjoys being hit. It all has to be consensual in order to be okay and fun, but there’s an entire world of spanking that you might not have considered before.


Over-the-Knee: Sometimes used in a roleplay, an over-the-knee or OTK spanking can be delicious and naughty as well as deliciously naughty. The whole purpose is to feel the sweet burn of a spanked bottom. Your partner might even take a break to slide their hand between your legs to find out exactly how you feel about your spanking.


Paddles: Ever had your butt spanked with a wooden spoon or some other kind of paddle? It’s not for everyone (nothing is) but if you’re looking for a heavier sensation, a paddle may do the trick. You can buy a special paddle from adult stores or pick up a ping pong paddle, a spoon, or even a spatula. The effect will be the same - a spanked bottom with a hard, flat object.


Flogging: If your partner’s hand is nice but you want more, another spanking style is the flogging. Floggers are a type of whip with several strands attached to a handle. The strands can be made out of almost any type of material, although the most popular are leather and suede. Floggings can be sharp and stingy or deep and thuddy, depending on how your partner uses it.


Once you’ve gotten a taste of spankings, with or without toys, don’t be surprised if you start looking around at what else might feel good on your butt. Canes, whips, and crops are just a few other options to try or you can look around your home to find something that might feel good in a spanking.



Talk About What You Want


After you decide what kind of spanking you want - and a smack on the ass during sex definitely counts - it’s time to make sure you get it. For some people, this is the hardest step. You’re going to need to talk about it. Tell your partner you enjoy it when they smack your butt or thigh during sex. Talk about the other types of spankings you think you’ll like. If they need convincing, a butt wiggle always does the trick for me.


If your partner happily gave you one smack in the heat of the moment, there’s a good chance they’ll be willing to do it again. This time, though, you might have a better understanding of what you want. Not every spanking will feel as perfect as that first one, but most of the fun is in the experience itself.


Spankings are often called the gateway kink. It can be one of the safest, least intimidating kinky things people try first. Hand meets bottom is as simple as a spanking gets. When it feels good and makes you crave more, that’s exactly what you should have. More.



About Kayla Lords

Professional writer, sex blogger, podcaster, erotic author, sexual submissive, and kinkster, Kayla overshares about the kinky and mundane side of her BDSM relationship. Her mission: to make BDSM, specifically Dominance and submission, less scary, less weird, and much more real and attainable for anyone willing to learn more. You can find her at or follow her on Twitter @KaylaLords.

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