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How To Have Sex At Work

Ok, so we know this is a distant possibility unless you're dating a co-worker (you go girl!) or you have always fantasised about recreating that scene from Secretary*, but we thought it might be fun to write a guide on how to have sex at your office.   

 

Office

 

You could use your lunch break to grab a sarnie or pop to Boots to pick up some toothpaste OR you can really maximise those 60 minutes and plan a nooner (aka hot, steamy sex done at lunch, during your lunch break or around noon) instead. We know which one we'd rather!  

 

A quick word of warning, this isn't for the faint hearted. Lunch-time booty calls, particularly those that involve a colleague, can lead to you getting fired if you get caught so make sure this quickie is worth it. If you're still keen on getting lucky during your lunch break, read on...

 

Step 1: Find a daring (and trustworthy) partner 

First things first, you need someone to screw. Options include a co-worker (if you want to shag a colleague without wrecking your career but don't know how, The Debrief have you covered), the sexy UPS delivery guy or your boyfriend when he stops by for lunch.

 

Step 2: Pick a place

We've put together a list of possible locations:

  • Your boss's desk - pretty awesome if your boss is the one you're sleeping (*high five*), even hotter if it's not
  • The elevator - it certainly gives a new meaning to the term "quickie"
  • The bathroom - we know it's an obvious one but surely the least risky place to get the deed done
  • The stationery cupboard - ok, so this one is also a bit cliché but there's probably a lock on the door and there's something pretty thrilling about doing it against a filing cabinet
  • In the car park - not technically in the office but we think it still counts; read our guide on how to have sex in a car and kill two birds with one stone
  • The boardroom table - imagine the flashbacks every time you have a meeting in there

 

Work

 

Step 3: Don't take too long

Nothing kills the mood quite like a phone call from your boss asking where you are so keep an eye on the time. If you think you need a bit longer (eh eh) then fake an appointment to give you some leeway. But, given the limited places to hide in an office, we suggest you keep it short and save your marathon session for the weekend.

 

Step 4: Tidy yourself up

You'll give the game away if you come back to your desk looking like you've just had a shag so make sure put yourself together before being seen. Watch out for any 'stains' or other evidence (probs best to avoid hickeys and the like). 

 

If any of you give it a go, PLEASE get in touch and let us know how it went!

 

*And for those of you who have no idea what scene we're talking about, here you go.  

 

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